Life – Post Six-Hundred-Sixteen

Enough said.

 

Au revoir,

Gigi

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Here’s to Free Minds & New Directions – Post Six-Hundred-Fifteen

THE IT LIST

Acquiring an SLR
Acquiring a Polaroid
Finishing ‘The Notebook Theme’
Writing a novel
Seeing Paris in the Spring
Acquiring an old-fashion typewriter
Watching all of Judy Garland’s films
Singing in front of a group
Not speaking one word for a whole day
Learning Spanish, Italian, and French
Riding a Moped
Riding a horse with no saddle
Reading Kon Tiki
Creating my own personal library
Filling out a journal
Reading the Bible cover to cover
Reading Pilgrim’s Progress
Capturing love in a photograph
Starting a photography business
Earning a Medical Transcription certificate
Getting a job
Moving out
Spending a day at the Hawthorne District
Spending a day at the Saturday Market
Tattooing my side with meaning
Riding the bus
Taking a road trip to Forks, La Push and Port Angeles, Washington
Finishing a jawbreaker
Reading 20 books written about Jacqueline Kennedy
Reading “She Said Yes”
Watching the greatest movies filmed in 1939 and reading each film’s book
Watching all Alfred Hitchcock movies
Doing a 365 project
Acquiring a DSLR
Finishing “A Collection of Thoughts”
Seeing the Bodies exhibit
Taking care of a Bonsai tree
Publishing my Poetry as a book
Meeting a Person for Each Birthday of a Year
Opening my Own Gallery of my Best Work in Photography
Taking Art Classes to learn the technical side of Painting and Drawing
Spending a day in a field of red poppies taking a photoshoot and relaxing with my honey
Reading at least one book of all the author’s on the big painting in Barnes and Noble cafes
Creating a Heart shape with Polaroid photography I take
Reading all of Shakespeare & watching one movie for each
Spending a day at Ikea with my love
Watching all of Jane Seymour and Charlton Heston‘s movies
Seeing both of the homes I grew up in years from now
Having Kevin teach me how to use chopsticks
Completing the Marilyn Monroe mosaic puzzle
Filling a jar full of origami stars for each wish or prayer
Learning each of my heritage’s language
Attending a Midnight premiere
Being at Time Square, New York on New Year’s Eve
Being at the Beach when it Snows
Reading every book on the BBC 100 book list
Reading every Disney Classics’ movie based on a book
Not adding 1 item until 7 are crossed off
Having a Pen Pal from a different country
Listing at least 3 things I am thankful for each day for a year
Visiting Claude Monet’s house
Throwing a message in a bottle to the sea
Reading/Owning all of Nicholas Sparks’ books
Playing tictactoe in the sand on the beach
Throwing a dart at a map of the world and going where it lands
Riding an elephant
Posting 1 vocabulary word a day describing who I am for a year
Visiting South and North Carolina
Finding the old truck in the article my grandmother gave to me and taking a photo of it
Participating in Relay for Life
Eating breakfast at Tiffany’s in New York
Reading (at least) 1 book in a different language
Reading all 93 books that Jacqueline Kennedy edited
Visiting my great grandmother and great grandfather’s graves
Reading all (original) Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew books
Creating a 50-line poem with a photo associated to each line

I have finally done it. I have committed myself to filling out a full journal!  It’s such a wonderful thing! I love it. I have so much to look over. And now? I have a new journal to fill out. I’ve gained an outlet; a beautiful new way to let things go, to interpret my thoughts, to organize my mind so I can find out what I really want, and what I really need.
If you don’t journal, I urge you to do so. Whether you use pictures, words, drawings, ANYTHING. It’s so freeing.

Au revoir,

Gigi 

I Wake Up With My Eyes a Little Brighter – Post Six-Hundred-Thirteen

One night, I dreamt of a light. It was pure; its beauty? Indescribable. I could not place It, but I knew It. I knew of Its beauty, Its good; Its grace. I had felt It burning deep in my mind, heart, and soul.
Ever since this dream my eyes are brighter. Some days, the warm light grows sweeter. Other days It stays the same, but It never dims. Not once have I lost It. Not with age, nor blemishes. This light is mine, and It always will be.

Can you see It, too? Can you feel It?

A Letter to the Sea – Post Six-Hundred-Fourteen

Dear Sea,

Why have you betrayed me? You sing me sweet lullabies, yet bring such devastation to my dreams. You sing of depths of love, yet the deeper I dive into you, the harder it is for me to see. You strangle me, you drown me, you engulf me, surround me with my fears. Why must you lie? Why must you harm? You’re like the moon in the day; bewildering those who look to you for comfort in the night. You’re unlike anything I’ve ever loved.
Here’s my letter to the sea. Please guide it to safety.

Au revoir,

Gigi

Resolutions Are Like Stars – Post Six-Hundred-Thirteen

I’ve been sitting here for a half hour staring at a blank screen. I’m wondering, scratching down deeper into my heart; what is it I want to renew this year? What is it I want to create in, take away from, and add to my life in a year’s time? What am I finding most important to pursue? There are so many different aspects to my life that all link together, and, as you get deeper into my mind, find that they all build upon each other to create this beautiful person; to create this wondrous life that is mine. And so, with that, I decided to break it down into 5 categories: Red Hero, It, Traveling, Personal Growth, and You.

Red Hero: For the blog, I’d really like to see me hit 50 followers. I’d love to post more art, and especially more of my thoughts. I don’t believe I’m open enough on here, even though I’m almost more open here than I am with those in my life. I post more of my thoughts, my ideas, and my personal struggles/beliefs on here than I speak of with others. It’s quite refreshing.
I’d also love to post more of my own art and photography. I don’t post enough, and I feel that’s a bit of a shame. It’s more from fear, and lack of the photos inspiring me. All of the art I post is inspirational to me; I suppose, though, my own photos and art is, in a way, inspiring to me, too. And, who knows; maybe it’ll inspire of one of you.
Anyway, that is my goal for this year. Anyone out there willing to help me out a bit with the followers?

It: My resolution for It this year is a bit more complicated. First, I’d really love to hit 100 items (I’m weird about even/elegant numbers.) I have 76 right now, so I do believe this is doable.
Second, I want to cross off (at least) 10 items off It by the end of the year. I want to get some of the traveling done, and I’d especially love to get most of the reading items crossed off. Just to name a few, I want to cross off tattooing my side with meaning, filling out a journal, throwing a message in a bottle to the sea, reading all of the books on the BBC 100 book list, and taking a road trip to Forks, La Push, and Port Angeles. Stay tuned.

Traveling: I love to travel. You all know this. I have this unwavering want; this hungry need to go everywhere; to experience everything. I’m going to do my best to at least start this. I want to take at least 5 weekend trips this year, whether it be to Redmond to visit my family, to the beach, or to some random place (North Carolina, maybe?) Who knows, maybe I’ll throw that dart this year.

Personal Growth: Last year one of my goals was to become more like the woman that God wants me to be. I’ve reflected over the past year, and though I’ve taken many steps backwards, I feel like I’ve grown more into the woman He wants me to be. I’ve got such a long way to go, but I do know that I’ve at least begun. Furthermore, I want to discover what my morals are; my guidelines. I have feelings for what they are, but not definitive descriptions. I realize that morals are everchanging, based on our current, future, and past experiences, but I want to set guidelines for myself. I may not always follow them, but I’d at least like to know what they are.
I want to be more open about my faith. Let me get this straight first, though: I am in no way religious. I love God. I will accept you and your faith/religion/beliefs just as you are, no matter if you agree with mine. All that I ask is that you respect what I believe, and that you respect my faith. I want to be more open with my beliefs, no matter if others disagree or not. I love Jesus, I am so thankful for what He’s done in my life thus far, I am so thankful for everything He’s given me, and how wonderfully and beautifully He’s taken care of everything that is so near and dear to me. My goal this year is to be more open about it. I don’t want to be obnoxious or ‘bible-thumping’, but I want to be more what I’m like in my personal life; humbly-in-awe of Him. Thankful for Him. Joyful with Him. I want to be more open and outward about this. I want you to be able to see it without me throwing it in your face. My goal is to show through action what He can do in a person’s life. Simple as that.
On another note, I feel like I’ve lost a bit of who I am. I’ve lost a bit of my simplicity. Too many shades have entered my once black and white spectrum. Too many variables haunt me. I’ve lost my vibrancy; my passion. My calm demeanor. I want it back. I want to find a way to mix who I am today with those little lost parts that I loved.
Now onto who I am: I’ve been watching myself lately; analyzing my thoughts, my actions, and I’m not too happy with all of it. Some of it is from recent experiences; most of it I know better than to be. I just want to grow. I want to rid myself of these vices that I know weren’t there before; that I’ve had the misfortune of turning into habits.
I want to be less selfish. I can be a very selfish person, and honestly I’m tired of it. I’ve come to the point where I see it, I recognize it, and I want it changed. I want to be a more selfless person. I want to do more for others, rather than for myself, which leads me to . . .

You: I want to do more for you. My goal is to think less about what I need and what I want, and more about what others need and want. I want to go above and beyond for you. I need to give you my all. In a way, this is selfish; I’m doing this for my own peace of mind. I’m doing this to rid of that nagging voice that says, “you don’t care”. I hate to tell that nagging voice, but by being a very empathetic individual, I can’t help but to care. I care that my outward appearance does not match what my heart feels. My heart feels for you. It feels for every person I see in need, and now? I’m going to act on that feeling.

Well, let’s see if I can do this.

“I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13 NKJV

Au revoir,

Gigi

I’ve Thought of You – Post Six-Hundred-Twelve

THE IT LIST

Acquiring an SLR
Acquiring a Polaroid
Finishing ‘The Notebook Theme’
Writing a novel
Seeing Paris in the Spring
Acquiring an old-fashion typewriter
Watching all of Judy Garland’s films
Singing in front of a group
Not speaking one word for a whole day
Learning Spanish, Italian, and French
Riding a Moped
Riding a horse with no saddle
Reading Kon Tiki
Creating my own personal library
Filling out a journal
Reading the Bible cover to cover
Reading Pilgrim’s Progress
Capturing love in a photograph
Starting a photography business
Earning a Medical Transcription certificate
Getting a job
Moving out
Spending a day at the Hawthorne District
Spending a day at the Saturday Market
Tattooing my side with meaning
Riding the bus
Taking a road trip to Forks, La Push and Port Angeles, Washington
Finishing a jawbreaker
Reading 20 books written about Jacqueline Kennedy
Reading “She Said Yes”
Watching the greatest movies filmed in 1939 and reading each film’s book
Watching all Alfred Hitchcock movies
Doing a 365 project
Acquiring a DSLR
Finishing “A Collection of Thoughts”
Seeing the Bodies exhibit
Taking care of a Bonsai tree
Publishing my Poetry as a book
Meeting a Person for Each Birthday of a Year
Opening my Own Gallery of my Best Work in Photography
Taking Art Classes to learn the technical side of Painting and Drawing
Spending a day in a field of red poppies taking a photoshoot and relaxing with my honey
Reading at least one book of all the author’s on the big painting in Barnes and Noble cafes
Creating a Heart shape with Polaroid photography I take
Reading all of Shakespeare & watching one movie for each
Spending a day at Ikea with my love
Watching all of Jane Seymour and Charlton Heston‘s movies
Seeing both of the homes I grew up in years from now
Having Kevin teach me how to use chopsticks
Completing the Marilyn Monroe mosaic puzzle
Filling a jar full of origami stars for each wish or prayer
Learning each of my heritage’s language
Attending a Midnight premiere
Being at Time Square, New York on New Year’s Eve
Being at the Beach when it Snows
Reading every book on the BBC 100 book list
Reading every Disney Classics’ movie based on a book
Not adding 1 item until 7 are crossed off
Having a Pen Pal from a different country
Listing at least 3 things I am thankful for each day for a year
Visiting Claude Monet’s house
Throwing a message in a bottle to the sea
Reading/Owning all of Nicholas Sparks’ books
Playing tictactoe in the sand on the beach
Throwing a dart at a map of the world and going where it lands
Riding an elephant
Posting 1 vocabulary word a day describing who I am for a year
Visiting South and North Carolina
Finding the old truck in the article my grandmother gave to me and taking a photo of it
Participating in Relay for Life
Eating breakfast at Tiffany’s in New York
Reading (at least) 1 book in a different language
Reading all 93 books that Jacqueline Kennedy edited
Visiting my great grandmother and great grandfather’s graves
Reading all (original) Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew books
Creating a 50-line poem with a photo associated to each line

My great grandmother and great grandfather were married for 59 years. In 2008, my great grandmother passed away. Three weeks later my great grandfather followed.
I’ve never been to either of their graves. They were extraordinary people, and thought I only knew them for a short time, they greatly impacted my life.

I want to read all of the original Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew because 1, I grew up adoring Nancy Drew; 2, I’ve read maybe one or two of the Hardy Boys; and 3, I just love rereading childhood memories.

Okay, I know it sounds kind of whacky, but bear with me: Imagine 50 photos, 50 lines, 25 pages; each page has one photo and one line. It’ll be my greatest challenge yet, but I do believe it would be so beautiful. Now to just start it. I’m not sure if I ever want to have it published, or feature people, or have it just to myself, or focus on objects.. but I’ll find out as I progress with it. (:

Au revoir,

Gigi

P.S. I’m working on my resolutions tonight . . . oh dear.

Clear Nights Like These . . . Post Six-Hundred-Eleven

What a beautiful evening. The sky is clear, the moon giant, and I can see the stars. (:

Au revoir,

Gigi

P.S. Be expecting part II in the next few day, featuring: resolutions.

Reflections Are for Mirrors, Part One – Post Six-Hundred-Nine

I suppose the main reason why I’ve never been quite good at reflections is because I try to live for today. Not for yesterday, not for tomorrow, but for today. I try not to dwell too much on my past, or focus too hard on my future. If I do, I’m afraid I might miss something beautiful God gave me right this moment. A little reflection here and there is healthy though. How else will we learn from our mistakes? I think I’ll only reflect on the most significant months, though.
So . . .

March, 2011: I spent my first spring break vacation on an adventure! The first Saturday I got to Portland I met with a ton of friends at the Portland Saturday Market. I crossed off 2 items off of It. I spent a week at my old friend, Haley’s, house, and drama after drama ensued.
I lost a friendship with her due to her and mine mistakes. She did things to lose my trust, and I used her irresponsibly. In the end, though I’m not sure for her, but it was a gain for me. Overall, the spring break was a good trip. It was my first trip on a bus, and I adored it. I met a young girl named Sydney who was brilliant, beautiful, and refreshing to speak with.

What I learned:

  1. The good is not always worth the bad.
  2. Negative behavior is contagious.
  3. Strangers are not always scary men with briefcases.

May, 2011: I was lead away from the man I thought was to be my one and true, and lead to someone I never thought I’d be with, but I always secretly hoped shared my feelings. The man I thought was to be my one was, indeed, not. Neither of us were true to the other with our emotions. We did love each other, but, now looking back on it, I believe it was an unhealthy, dependent love. One was always supporting the other, until the other collapsed and said, ‘enough’. I learned so much from that relationship, but I also gained a bunch of unhealthy habits that I’m breaking.
I then ended it, but in the wrong way. I did not feel it was his right to know about this other man. I was not planning on starting a relationship with him anytime soon at that moment, so I felt it was none of his business. This only caused him more hurt and harm than good in the end, and it is my greatest regret of this past year.
On a more positive note, I began a deeper friendship with the man I’d cared for 3 or 4 years. A voice whispered to me, “let him know.” And so I did. I didn’t look back, either, and I don’t think I’ve been this happy, joyful, and content for a long time.

What I learned:

  1. Always tell the whole truth.
  2. Listen to that small voice.
  3. You’re not always right.

June, 2011: I cut off all communication with my ex, which was very freeing. We tried being friends, but he put me through a rollercoaster to the point where it was damaging my health. I felt I deserved everything he dished out; how he was treating me, how he would say he wanted to be friends and then call me and angrily announce he wanted nothing to do with me. I felt like I deserved it all. Eventually, though, I told him enough was enough. It was unhealthy for both of us; he wasn’t healing, and neither was I.
I decided not to go back to school. If you remember, I was studying Medical Transcription. For my winter term I had failed 2 classes: Grammar and reports. I had become lazy; for my spring term I worked hard. I spent long hours studying and giving it my all. I shut my phone off and stayed away from all social network sites in order to concentrate hard on what I was doing. I passed my grammar class the second time, but the reports class I failed a second time. I decided it wasn’t worth another $600 on top of the $2300 loan and $900 for the rest of the term, not mentioning more time to achieve something I didn’t want for my life, anyway. With all that put together, I quit. I was so scared to tell my parents. I was fearful they would be disappointed in me. They were understanding, though, and proud of me for giving it my all.
On a happy note: My eldest brother got married! I didn’t get to go to the wedding, but my dad was the minister, and my brother married a beautiful woman that I am so happy to call my sister-in-law.

What I learned:

  1. It’s not always going to turn out like you think.
  2. I deserve better than that.
  3. Always give it your 110%.

July: In July I made my second-to-last trip up to Portland. I spent 2 weeks job searching, with nothing turning up. I met up with my ex’s grandmother to return some of his stuff to her and felt very awkward. I spent more time getting to know Chris, and we made our relationship official. I also decided, officially, that I was going to move back home to Portland.

What I learned:

  1. God always has perfect timing.
  2. Patience is a virtue.

August, 2011: On August 26th, 2011, I officially moved back home! I was so ecstatic! I had $1300, a place to stay for awhile, and I was home where I belonged. I did a few photo shoots before I left for extra money, spent as much time as I could with my friend, Madison, and my family, and then left. I found that my whole life, materialistically-speaking, was compressed down to 4 med. boxes, 4 book boxes, and one randomly-shaped box. I threw out things I no longer needed, and donated what I thought could be useful to someone else. I packed 2 beastly suitcases, bought my ticket, kissed my mum on the cheek, and left. The first weekend back I spent with my old church, Chris, and friends camping. I spent one night in two sleeping bags under the stars with Chris. We stayed up until 2 or 3 in the morning. What a beautiful way to start a new chapter.

What I learned:

  1. Redmond is not the only place you can see the stars.
  2. I can live without most of what we think we can’t.
  3. My family is most important to me.

December, 2011: I was officially hired on to be a receptionist for a local staffing agency. God provided just the right job at just the right time. I spent my first Christmas away from home, and it was hard, but Chris and his family (well, my family too, if you think about it) made it a little easier. God provided everything I needed this year, from food, to a job, to a beautiful, quirky bunch of additions to my already beautiful family.

What I learned:

  1. I need to go out of my comfort zone more often.
  2. Family is not just blood.
  3. Jesus provides for all needs, and knows all needs.

All in all: I learned I can sketch. I started learning Hindi and Spanish. I learned that, when I am in doubt, I should slap myself silly, because God will always provide. I crossed of a wonderful amount of It’s items. I learned that I am a strong, independent young woman. I learned that I can truly do anything if I set my mind to it. All in all… this year was beautiful in all its struggles, hurt, kindness, and passion. I wouldn’t change for the world.

Au revoir,

Gigi