I’ve been sitting here for a half hour staring at a blank screen. I’m wondering, scratching down deeper into my heart; what is it I want to renew this year? What is it I want to create in, take away from, and add to my life in a year’s time? What am I finding most important to pursue? There are so many different aspects to my life that all link together, and, as you get deeper into my mind, find that they all build upon each other to create this beautiful person; to create this wondrous life that is mine. And so, with that, I decided to break it down into 5 categories: Red Hero, It, Traveling, Personal Growth, and You.
Red Hero: For the blog, I’d really like to see me hit 50 followers. I’d love to post more art, and especially more of my thoughts. I don’t believe I’m open enough on here, even though I’m almost more open here than I am with those in my life. I post more of my thoughts, my ideas, and my personal struggles/beliefs on here than I speak of with others. It’s quite refreshing.
I’d also love to post more of my own art and photography. I don’t post enough, and I feel that’s a bit of a shame. It’s more from fear, and lack of the photos inspiring me. All of the art I post is inspirational to me; I suppose, though, my own photos and art is, in a way, inspiring to me, too. And, who knows; maybe it’ll inspire of one of you.
Anyway, that is my goal for this year. Anyone out there willing to help me out a bit with the followers?
It: My resolution for It this year is a bit more complicated. First, I’d really love to hit 100 items (I’m weird about even/elegant numbers.) I have 76 right now, so I do believe this is doable.
Second, I want to cross off (at least) 10 items off It by the end of the year. I want to get some of the traveling done, and I’d especially love to get most of the reading items crossed off. Just to name a few, I want to cross off tattooing my side with meaning, filling out a journal, throwing a message in a bottle to the sea, reading all of the books on the BBC 100 book list, and taking a road trip to Forks, La Push, and Port Angeles. Stay tuned.
Traveling: I love to travel. You all know this. I have this unwavering want; this hungry need to go everywhere; to experience everything. I’m going to do my best to at least start this. I want to take at least 5 weekend trips this year, whether it be to Redmond to visit my family, to the beach, or to some random place (North Carolina, maybe?) Who knows, maybe I’ll throw that dart this year.
Personal Growth: Last year one of my goals was to become more like the woman that God wants me to be. I’ve reflected over the past year, and though I’ve taken many steps backwards, I feel like I’ve grown more into the woman He wants me to be. I’ve got such a long way to go, but I do know that I’ve at least begun. Furthermore, I want to discover what my morals are; my guidelines. I have feelings for what they are, but not definitive descriptions. I realize that morals are everchanging, based on our current, future, and past experiences, but I want to set guidelines for myself. I may not always follow them, but I’d at least like to know what they are.
I want to be more open about my faith. Let me get this straight first, though: I am in no way religious. I love God. I will accept you and your faith/religion/beliefs just as you are, no matter if you agree with mine. All that I ask is that you respect what I believe, and that you respect my faith. I want to be more open with my beliefs, no matter if others disagree or not. I love Jesus, I am so thankful for what He’s done in my life thus far, I am so thankful for everything He’s given me, and how wonderfully and beautifully He’s taken care of everything that is so near and dear to me. My goal this year is to be more open about it. I don’t want to be obnoxious or ‘bible-thumping’, but I want to be more what I’m like in my personal life; humbly-in-awe of Him. Thankful for Him. Joyful with Him. I want to be more open and outward about this. I want you to be able to see it without me throwing it in your face. My goal is to show through action what He can do in a person’s life. Simple as that.
On another note, I feel like I’ve lost a bit of who I am. I’ve lost a bit of my simplicity. Too many shades have entered my once black and white spectrum. Too many variables haunt me. I’ve lost my vibrancy; my passion. My calm demeanor. I want it back. I want to find a way to mix who I am today with those little lost parts that I loved.
Now onto who I am: I’ve been watching myself lately; analyzing my thoughts, my actions, and I’m not too happy with all of it. Some of it is from recent experiences; most of it I know better than to be. I just want to grow. I want to rid myself of these vices that I know weren’t there before; that I’ve had the misfortune of turning into habits.
I want to be less selfish. I can be a very selfish person, and honestly I’m tired of it. I’ve come to the point where I see it, I recognize it, and I want it changed. I want to be a more selfless person. I want to do more for others, rather than for myself, which leads me to . . .
You: I want to do more for you. My goal is to think less about what I need and what I want, and more about what others need and want. I want to go above and beyond for you. I need to give you my all. In a way, this is selfish; I’m doing this for my own peace of mind. I’m doing this to rid of that nagging voice that says, “you don’t care”. I hate to tell that nagging voice, but by being a very empathetic individual, I can’t help but to care. I care that my outward appearance does not match what my heart feels. My heart feels for you. It feels for every person I see in need, and now? I’m going to act on that feeling.
Well, let’s see if I can do this.
“I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13 NKJV